The Shack

Where are the words? I'm not really sure what words to write, but I feel compelled to put ink to paper (or fingers to keyboard, in this case).

I just spent the last few hours blubbering like a child. And that is saying something, because for many years, tears have not come easy to me. I used to be so sensitive to people and the world around me that I could be easily moved to tears. As a child, I was even criticized for crying too much and told that I had to "grow out of it". I don't know what caused the wells to dry up, but somewhere in college, I guess I gave in to the world's idea of what a man should be and hardened my heart a bit. It feels odd even now to cry tonight, as it seems to hit in starts and fits and I can sense my body tightening up in an effort to quench the flow.

What caused the tears? Good question. Probably a lot of things. Stress. Fear. God.

A little backstory is in order. Yesterday, Dina had surgery. Everything went smoothly and I really wasn't afraid of anything bad happening, although I must admit my tension level was higher during the time she was in the actual procedure. I felt an easy sense of leaving her in our Father's hands during the surgery. That, and I trusted the skill of the surgeon...which also helped a bunch. So, while stress levels weren't super-high, they were elevated, just from the surrounding circumstances.

Now, to top it off, I chose to pick up a book to read during the "slow moments" of waiting during the surgery and recovery period. Mainly to stave off boredom and distract me from my own fear of being still and quiet with no one but God and myself. Anyway, the book I chose was The Shack by William P. Young. Little did I know what I was getting in to.

If you haven't read it yet, then I must admonish you to stop reading this silly post and go buy a copy immediately. Don't return until you have finished it.

OK. Anyway, the book itself was difficult for me to read in some ways as it hits way too close to home with the character of Missy being so close in age to Rachel. Every time the book talked about Missy, I always pictured Rachel in my head. For those who haven't read it, and haven't headed my advice in the previous paragraph, the book is generally about a man, Mack, who must deal with his relationship (or lack thereof) with God after his 6-year-old daughter, Missy, is abducted and murdered. OK. Sorry, gotta take a tear break....

Alright, I'm back. Mack comes face-to-face with God and the interactions he has with him at "the shack" change his paradigm of who he thought God was and how he relates to Him. Beyond the obvious tears for the relating of Missy to Rachel, I also found myself shedding tears about my lack of faith and the drab colors of the most important relationships in my life. I spend too much time focused on myself and the meeting of my own needs, that I miss the very purpose of Jesus' life in me...that of serving and living in love and wonder of the people that intersect with my life.

Whew. OK. I don't really know where this will go, but I pray that the message of this book will forever alter, most importantly, my relationship with my own Papa, God. Secondly, I pray that it will mightily affect the relationships that I have with my family and friends.

Again, I'm not sure why I'm writing. I'm not much of a writer, but it felt like the cathartic thing to do. Maybe it's just to place a marker in time to help me remember. Like a trail marker on my journey. Dina is asleep in the other room, recovering from surgery. I'm sitting here, recovering from reading The Shack.

Rainy Friday

Well, I came home on Wednesday afternoon from the Texas Business Educator professional development conference in Dallas. It was definitely good to be home. I've enjoyed a couple of lazy days with Dina and the kids. Last night, Dina made some individual pizza crusts and laid out bowls of toppings. Each of us made our own "personal pizza" and then we played games like Disney Scene It and Star Wars Trivial Pursuit.

Today, we were gonna go hit Zilker, but the rain is changing those plans. Right now, Dina is taking a nap and the kids are jumping on the trampoline in the rain. Not sure what the rest of the day will hold.

I got to see Jay Reynolds, while I was in Dallas. It was good to catch up with him. The work that they are doing to start a church sounds exciting. He is also trying to become a teacher, as well. So, I could relate to where he is at in the process of looking for a school to hire him! I'm hoping to get to see him and Denease again in a couple of weeks.

Speaking of travel, I leave on Monday to go to Centrikid camp with Caleb for a week in San Marcos. That will be fun. I love camp! Then, we come back on Friday afternoon and on Saturday morning, we leave with my extended family on a 2-day trip to Corpus and the beach. We get back in on Sunday evening and then on the following Monday morning, I'm getting up at 0-dark-thirty to drive to Fort Worth for Football Coaching School. This is when I hope to see Jay and Denease again. Then, Dina and the kids will come up on Wednesday for a couple of days of playing around Ft. Worth. When I get back, school and football practices will begin buzzing. Right now, I think I have to report back around the 9th of August.

I just finished reading the book "So You Don't Want To Go To Church Anymore" by Jake Colsen.

This is from the back cover:

What would you do if you met someone you thought just might be one of
Jesus’ original disciples still living in the 21st Century? That’s Jake’s
dilemma as he meets a man who talks of Jesus as if he had known him, and whose
way of living challenges everything Jake had previously known.

So You Don’t Want to Go To Church Anymore is Jake’s compelling journal that
chronicles thirteen conversations with his newfound friend over a four-year
period and how those exchanges turn Jake’s world upside-down. With his help,
Jake faces his darkest fears, struggles through brutal circumstances and comes
out on the other side in the joy and freedom he always dreamed was
possible.

If you’re tired of just going through the motions of Christianity and want
to mine the depths of what it really means to live deeply in Christ, you’ll find
Jake’s story will give you hope for your own. This book probes the difficult
questions and offers some far-reaching answers. It just might turn your world
upside-down as well!

It is a great and easy read. The nice part is that you can actually read it in PDF form for free. Just go to this link:

http://www.jakecolsen.com/contents.html

Be careful, though, it might just change your thinking and your life. I know it is already having a profound change on my outlook on God and life.

Orthopraxy

Here is a great article from a lecture by Scot McKnight about the four "streams" that form the Emerging Church.

http://foolishsage.com/wp-content/uploads/McKnight%20-%20What%20is%20the%20Emerging%20Church.pdf

I thought it was a really easy and good read. Some of the stuff that he says about praxis really hit home for me. Like this paragraph:

"The central element of this missional praxis is that the emerging movement is not attractional in its model of the church but is instead missional: that is, it does not invite people to church but instead wanders into the world as the church. It asks its community “How can we help you?” instead of knocking on doors to increase membership. In other words, it becomes a community with open windows and open doors and sees Sunday morning as the opportunity to prepare for a week of service to the community, asking not how many are attending the services but what redemptive traits are we seeing in our community. It wants to embody a life that is other-oriented rather than self-oriented, that is community-directed rather than church-oriented."

I'd like to be a part of a church that does that and then has intentional activities and meetings throughout the week to allow those "redemptive traits" found in our community to shine forth and be practiced in a world that needs to see the love of Jesus from Christians (rather than divisiveness and arguments). It always seems to me like my "church family" on Sunday has nothing to do with the rest of my week. It's like I live two separate lives: Sunday Morning and The Rest Of The Week. :-(

Summer School

Well, I am teaching business classes for Summer School at Success in Round Rock ISD. It is an alternative learning center for at-risk students to complete their credits. I'm teaching 2 classes over the course of 12 days. It is nice to get out at 2:00 each day and have Fridays off! That will last throughout the month of June.

In July, we're going lotsa places. Camp for Jonah in Abilene, a Professional Development conference in Dallas, Camp for Caleb in San Marcos, and then possibly coaching school in Fort Worth. Once August starts, I'll be getting ready for the next school year.

As for next year, I have been accepted to Region 13's Alternative Certification program to add 2 more certifications next year. I'm attempting to add Marketing and Media Tech certifications. It will be nice to have, but it will mean a lot more work next year. I'll have a steep learning curve for Media Tech and I'll have to be certified in Final Cut Pro before the end of the year. So, I'll be working on that industry certification at the same time. For the marketing, I am short 6 hours on my transcript for marketing, so I'll also be taking 2 classes at ACC next Fall to make up that difference.

Whew.

I keep telling myself it will be worth it. It will be a large investment in time, work, and money, but it will pay off in the end. Oh well, on with the summer. I hope I at least get a few days to chillax during this season.

Ash Wednesday

This morning, I arose early and went to St. William Catholic Parish to attend an Ash Wednesday service at 6:30am. It was nice to get up before sunrise and focus my thoughts upon the upcoming Lenten season. Spending some time refocusing and redirecting my thoughts toward God is always an amazing thing. "Remember, man, that you are dust, and unto dust you shall return."

A season of penitence and repentance. Of return and forgiveness. Of restoration and redemption. This season is the gospel story in a nutshell. It is a time to stop doing whatever it is you are doing in this busy world and return to God. No matter where you are or where you've been, God longs to receive you and pour out his generous love upon you.

I was floored again this morning, standing in the nave of the large sanctuary, at how generous God is towards me. Many times I get stuck in my own "eye for an eye" thought process and feel deep inside like I have drawn too far from the relationship with my Lord. At those times, I realized this morning, I feel like the chasm is too great and that God would not receive me back into his loving fellowship without some work on my part. That I must somehow "work" my way back into his grace. That last sentence is actually kind of funny. The very definition of grace is that it is by nature, free. To fall into thinking that I must somehow earn it or work for it is ludicrous, at best.

Well, there I was, all ludicrous and humbled. I began praying and meditating on God's love and mercy. I was reminded of the story of the prodigal son and had a vision of Rembrandt's painting of that story. Although I haven't "wandered off" into wild living, my heart has wandered and not been close to God. All it takes is a spirit of repentance and a "turning toward" my Lord and He restores me gently.

It feels good to walk again in the light of relationship with God. I've been here many times before, but this time feels a little different. It feels somehow more real. More authentic. I am free to be who I am and God loves me for that. I don't feel the need to impress or somehow fool God into thinking that I'm a good little boy. I have failings and I will wander again. I'm sure that I will be posting another experience like this in the near future, as I return to Him again. However, that is the beauty of His grace. He loves me and always welcomes me.

Ah, progress...

Wow! Where does the time go? My last posting was May 14th and now we are in September! A lot has happened over the summer and I have got to get myself back into the discipline of regular postings.

I am now a full-time Business Education teacher at McNeil High School here in Round Rock ISD. I teach "Business Image Management and Multimedia" (a course on graphics and video) and "Intro to Information Technology" (a survey course of the high tech industry). Although I have a LOT to learn, I am now 3 weeks in and still thoroughly enjoying it. I have also volunteered as an assistant coach with the Freshman football teams. So, I'm not just learning how to be a teacher, I am also learning how to be a coach. As much as I thought I knew about football is only a fraction compared to what I don't know. But, I love working with the kids and learning more and more each day. The days are LONG, but the rewards are great.

Caleb and Jonah started school this year at Star Charter School. Dina was feeling overwhelmed with homeschooling AND having 2 little children under 3 running around. She felt like she just couldn't divide her time well enough to give both the 2 older homeschoolers and the 2 younger rugrats at the same time. So, when the kids got accepted to Star Charter, we took advantage of the opportunity and enrolled them. Now, Dina gets 4 hours each morning to spend with Rachel and Andrew while the boys are in school. They are loving the school, but we are still having a rough time getting Caleb adjusted to the routine of how traditional school works.

On the church front, we have hired the previously mentioned youth pastor candidate and he started on August 1st. His name is Todd Reid and I have been working with him with the youth group. We started our first Youth worship service this past Sunday and we had a good time. There were at least 40 kids there. That is more than I have ever see at our youth group meetings.

Well, tomorrow is my birthday and Wednesday is Caleb's birthday. We celebrated both birthdays today, since it was a holiday. Next year, I don't want to celebrate my birthday on the same day as Caleb. I feel like it detracts from the attention he should be getting on his special day. Well, I've got to run and download the pictures from the camera from today. I'll try to post again sooner than 4 months from now...