Spiritual Spewings

Win and we're in

2008-11-07T08:59:00.000-06:00

Tonight we play Georgetown at their stadium. We are currently tied for 3rd place with 4 teams. If we beat Georgetown, we go to the playoffs. If we lose, we're out. It will be a really tough game, but I am so hoping that we can make it to the playoffs this year.

We're still loving our new house and neighborhood. The kids have a lot of friends to play with and it is such a nice area. The next big step is to get rid of our gas-guzzling van and buy a mini-van in February. That will really help our gas bill a lot.

Not much else going on right now. Caleb had his first band concert last week and did a great job. It was nice to go to a concert that only lasted a total of 45 minutes for 3 bands! We all went out to eat at Taco Cabana after the concert to celebrate.

The dogs are officially gone for good, so we are now dog-less for the first time in years. I miss them, but it will be nice to finally have the backyard back, without worrying about them tearing things up back there. Jonah really wants to get a new dog--specifically a yellow lab.

The election was on Tuesday and I'm neither excited nor disappointed by the results. I just hope that we can take notice in America that the 2-party system we have now just doesn't work anymore. I'd really like to see the growth of other parties to provide more selection of candidates. I am hopeful for some kind of change, however, as someone needs to step up and let the current government know that we cannot operate our country on credit anymore.

Rival Game

2008-10-24T12:44:00.002-05:00

Tonight is our game against Westwood, our rivals. After a loss against Round Rock, we've had 2 big wins against Cedar Park and Vista Ridge. We lost last week to the district front-runner, Stony Point. So, this game, as well as the rest of our schedule, has playoff implications for us. I really want to go to the playoffs this year, as I've never been in my time as a coach. We have some work to do over the next few weeks.

The Freshman "B" team won a crazy one last night, with a Hail Mary pass with 8 seconds left and an ensuing 2-point conversion. Final score was 14-13, McNeil. The "A" team had a chance to win, but ended up losing in the end.

We are still experimenting with Caleb this 6-weeks. We are trying not to "prod" him about his homework, grades, band-practice, etc. Hopefully this will give him a safe place to "fail" early in the year. I hope he will begin to see and understand the need to take responsibility for his work and set a standard of good habits to come. I'd rather him fail early on and then learn to do well, then to hand-hold him all the way to high school and then wonder why he hasn't learned to do things on his own. I'm seeing a little bit of maturity arising in him, but he is at that weird age of 6th grade, where he still is holding on to childish behavior and things. Work in progress. :-)

Next Friday is Halloween, but for the first year, I won't be able to go with Dina and the kids. I have a football game against Leander that night. Caleb will be at his first sleepover party that night. So, Dina will be taking the other three on their own. I think they are just going to "trick-or-treat" in our new neighborhood. I'll miss it. :-(

Not a whole lot else going on. We just got paid and I'm going to go pay off my car next week. Yay! But, we accumulated more debt last month and it will take a few months to get back on track. :-(

Majestic For A Day

2008-10-06T09:38:00.002-05:00

Well, today is a Monday. Pretty good weekend. Although we lost to Round Rock a week and a half ago, we beat Cedar Park this last Friday. We were really rusty after not playing for 20 days and had 9 turnovers against Round Rock. We actually picked it up and played better against Cedar Park. I still think we can play better. We have a Thursday game this week against Vista Ridge.

We got my nephew's old captain's bed for Jonah this weekend. It is still in the garage, as I haven't had time to put it together yet. We still have a lot of things we want to do to our new house, but we have to wait another month or two, until money is a little better. We're just happy to have a roof over our heads and money going back into our pocket each month, rather than rent going into someone else's pockets.

My Dad's surgery went well and he is having some more tests this week. But, it looks like the pacemaker was really good for him, as he has a lot more energy. Robert Reagan is out of the hospital after his surgery and he finds out this week if any of the cells in the tumor were malignant or not.

Not a whole lot else going on. Rachel was a "Majestic For A Day" at the game this last Friday. She got to hang out with a Majestic in the stands, learn a dance, and then go out on the field with them at halftime. She had a blast and can't wait to do it again next year.

Slay the Dragons

2008-09-25T14:18:00.002-05:00

Game day. Today is a really full day for me, as I have no conference periods today and we have a varsity game tonight. Instead of coming back to school afterwards to do video scouting for hours, I'm gonna try to take the equipement home and do it there tonight. I can finish up tomorrow and then I shouldn't have to come up to school on Saturday. Yay!

We play the Round Rock Dragons tonight. Because of Hurricane Ike, our last game, against Bryan, was cancelled. Since we had an off week last week, we haven't played in almost 3 weeks! I'm hoping we don't come out too rusty. It feels like another "first game of the season" tonight. It is the first game of district play, so we can't make a bunch of mistakes, or Round Rock will eat us up.

Before I forget, I thought I'd relay something Andrew said. The"Tumblebus" came to his school a couple of days ago and he was really excited about it. It is a bus that has all kinds of gym equipment on it. When he came to tell me about it, I asked him what he liked best. He answered, "We did backflips! And there were these little monkey bars. And I cwimbed and cwimbed and cwimbed!" It was really funny.

Speaking of the kids, we unofficially adopted a new kitten yesterday. It was a stray in the neighborhood and some of the neighborhood kids had been taking care of it. But, when their parents said that it needed to go, they couldn't find anyone to take it. So, we took it in. I think it is a male and we don't have a name for him yet. But, he is brown with dark black stripes and his coat reminds me of a cat I had when I was a kid, named Fred. He is the most loving cat I've ever seen. Coming into a new house and place, I thought he'd be pretty skittish. But, he took to it like he had lived there forever. He always has to be rubbing someone and he purrs like crazy. He'll follow you around the house and rub up against your legs when you stop. He really likes the kids, too, and will go to them and rub his head on their faces.

This is good, because, we just lost our 2 dogs. Ever since we moved into our new house, they have been trying to escape. They've broken at least 4 different areas on the fence and gotten out. So far, we've found them each time. This last time, though, we have not been able to find them. It has now been 3 days, so I am pretty sure they are gone. We may get a new dog sometime, but it will have to wait until after I can afford to fix the fence right.

We're still loving our new house, however. We finally got the pool key activated (the community pool is right down the street from our house). But, we still haven't used it. And this weekend is the last weekend it will be open. So, maybe we can utilize it this weekend. The kids would love that.

Speaking of this weekend, Jonah is going to be baptized this Sunday at the Journey. We're really excited for him and I am proud to be the one baptizing him. I'm excited that he will be beginning a lifetime journey of walking in the love of the Father and learning to be loved and love others. I pray that he can begin to understand just how much God loves him.

Health updates. My dad saw the doctor today and his heartbeat was only 48 bpm. So, he is scheduled to see a cardiologist tomorrow. More to come. My friend, Robert Reagan, is having more tests done in Singapore right now and we are waiting to find out if the mass on his pancreas is cancerous or not.

Blues

2008-09-23T11:14:00.002-05:00

I decided the other day that I want to start blogging more frequently. Now, I've done that before, but mostly out of guilt or feeling like I "had to". However, this time is different. I think...

I was sitting back the other day, at 39 years old, and thinking about the moments that I've experienced in this life, both good and bad. My memory is not the best and I was remembering some things I did in my life that I had completely forgotten about. I was also going through a bunch of old pictures and scanning them into the computer. I was remembering some of the silly little things Caleb and Jonah used to say and do, that I had totally forgotten about. I am smart enough to know that I will never be a writer. I will never write my "memoirs" one day, or remember enough to pass on to someone else to write for me. So, I decided that blogging would be a great way for me to have an archive of the little things that go on in my life. I doubt it will be important for anyone else, but it can help me archive some of the details.

On to today:
I am feeling a bit of "the blues" coming on today. We get paid tomorrow, but with an unexpected repair bill for our van ($750), the checks are already spent and we're already trying to figure out how to make the whole month work. One of my biggest frustrations is when I get a check deposited and it is basically gone by the time the first week has passed. One day, I want to get so "under control" of our finances that we can have just a little money left over at the end of the month. We're getting there, but not quite. So, money always determines my attitude and outlook. I'm really working on that with God right now. I want to trust Him completely and not let my daily outlook be determined by the financial worry that I carry.

I've been a little frustrated with Caleb and Jonah lately. They seem to thrive on being "sneaky" and I don't feel like I trust them at all. I want to trust my children and feel like they will, for the most part, do what is right when left alone. I'm worried that I'm not raising them well and they will turn out to be adults with no character/integrity. I just feel a little "at the end of my leash" with their behavior lately.

Caleb seems to be doing well socially, but is still struggling with giving all his effort at school and getting his work turned in. Jonah hates school and has a bad attitude about it every day. But, he seems to be having fun with the kids in the new neighborhood. Rachel loves school and is doing well. Andrew loves school and his teacher (:-P), but comes home tired every day and sleeps until dinner time or so.

My dad's health is a little questionable right now, as he has been getting dizzy and passing out recently. He's going to the doctor today, but I'm a little worried about him. I realize that he is getting older (he's 80) and he won't be around for a lot longer. I'm just facing the prospect of what life would be like without him and I'm not ready for that. Along those lines, I got word that one of my friends, Robert Reagan, was just diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer and is facing some possible dire news about his near future. Although I understand that death is not a victor and is just our transition, I don't do well with dealing with grief of loss here. I've never really lost anyone very close to me (other than my grandmother) and I have kind of lived in a fantasy world that no one around me will ever die and I'll never have to experience that kind of grief.

Well, that's all right now. I'll post more later about my job and our new house.

The Shack

2008-06-21T22:36:00.004-05:00

Where are the words? I'm not really sure what words to write, but I feel compelled to put ink to paper (or fingers to keyboard, in this case).

I just spent the last few hours blubbering like a child. And that is saying something, because for many years, tears have not come easy to me. I used to be so sensitive to people and the world around me that I could be easily moved to tears. As a child, I was even criticized for crying too much and told that I had to "grow out of it". I don't know what caused the wells to dry up, but somewhere in college, I guess I gave in to the world's idea of what a man should be and hardened my heart a bit. It feels odd even now to cry tonight, as it seems to hit in starts and fits and I can sense my body tightening up in an effort to quench the flow.

What caused the tears? Good question. Probably a lot of things. Stress. Fear. God.

A little backstory is in order. Yesterday, Dina had surgery. Everything went smoothly and I really wasn't afraid of anything bad happening, although I must admit my tension level was higher during the time she was in the actual procedure. I felt an easy sense of leaving her in our Father's hands during the surgery. That, and I trusted the skill of the surgeon...which also helped a bunch. So, while stress levels weren't super-high, they were elevated, just from the surrounding circumstances.

Now, to top it off, I chose to pick up a book to read during the "slow moments" of waiting during the surgery and recovery period. Mainly to stave off boredom and distract me from my own fear of being still and quiet with no one but God and myself. Anyway, the book I chose was The Shack by William P. Young. Little did I know what I was getting in to.

If you haven't read it yet, then I must admonish you to stop reading this silly post and go buy a copy immediately. Don't return until you have finished it.

OK. Anyway, the book itself was difficult for me to read in some ways as it hits way too close to home with the character of Missy being so close in age to Rachel. Every time the book talked about Missy, I always pictured Rachel in my head. For those who haven't read it, and haven't headed my advice in the previous paragraph, the book is generally about a man, Mack, who must deal with his relationship (or lack thereof) with God after his 6-year-old daughter, Missy, is abducted and murdered. OK. Sorry, gotta take a tear break....

Alright, I'm back. Mack comes face-to-face with God and the interactions he has with him at "the shack" change his paradigm of who he thought God was and how he relates to Him. Beyond the obvious tears for the relating of Missy to Rachel, I also found myself shedding tears about my lack of faith and the drab colors of the most important relationships in my life. I spend too much time focused on myself and the meeting of my own needs, that I miss the very purpose of Jesus' life in me...that of serving and living in love and wonder of the people that intersect with my life.

Whew. OK. I don't really know where this will go, but I pray that the message of this book will forever alter, most importantly, my relationship with my own Papa, God. Secondly, I pray that it will mightily affect the relationships that I have with my family and friends.

Again, I'm not sure why I'm writing. I'm not much of a writer, but it felt like the cathartic thing to do. Maybe it's just to place a marker in time to help me remember. Like a trail marker on my journey. Dina is asleep in the other room, recovering from surgery. I'm sitting here, recovering from reading The Shack.

Rainy Friday

2007-07-20T11:26:00.000-05:00

Well, I came home on Wednesday afternoon from the Texas Business Educator professional development conference in Dallas. It was definitely good to be home. I've enjoyed a couple of lazy days with Dina and the kids. Last night, Dina made some individual pizza crusts and laid out bowls of toppings. Each of us made our own "personal pizza" and then we played games like Disney Scene It and Star Wars Trivial Pursuit.

Today, we were gonna go hit Zilker, but the rain is changing those plans. Right now, Dina is taking a nap and the kids are jumping on the trampoline in the rain. Not sure what the rest of the day will hold.

I got to see Jay Reynolds, while I was in Dallas. It was good to catch up with him. The work that they are doing to start a church sounds exciting. He is also trying to become a teacher, as well. So, I could relate to where he is at in the process of looking for a school to hire him! I'm hoping to get to see him and Denease again in a couple of weeks.

Speaking of travel, I leave on Monday to go to Centrikid camp with Caleb for a week in San Marcos. That will be fun. I love camp! Then, we come back on Friday afternoon and on Saturday morning, we leave with my extended family on a 2-day trip to Corpus and the beach. We get back in on Sunday evening and then on the following Monday morning, I'm getting up at 0-dark-thirty to drive to Fort Worth for Football Coaching School. This is when I hope to see Jay and Denease again. Then, Dina and the kids will come up on Wednesday for a couple of days of playing around Ft. Worth. When I get back, school and football practices will begin buzzing. Right now, I think I have to report back around the 9th of August.

2007-06-27T10:12:00.000-05:00

I just finished reading the book "So You Don't Want To Go To Church Anymore" by Jake Colsen.

This is from the back cover:

What would you do if you met someone you thought just might be one of
Jesus’ original disciples still living in the 21st Century? That’s Jake’s
dilemma as he meets a man who talks of Jesus as if he had known him, and whose
way of living challenges everything Jake had previously known.

So You Don’t Want to Go To Church Anymore is Jake’s compelling journal that
chronicles thirteen conversations with his newfound friend over a four-year
period and how those exchanges turn Jake’s world upside-down. With his help,
Jake faces his darkest fears, struggles through brutal circumstances and comes
out on the other side in the joy and freedom he always dreamed was
possible.

If you’re tired of just going through the motions of Christianity and want
to mine the depths of what it really means to live deeply in Christ, you’ll find
Jake’s story will give you hope for your own. This book probes the difficult
questions and offers some far-reaching answers. It just might turn your world
upside-down as well!

It is a great and easy read. The nice part is that you can actually read it in PDF form for free. Just go to this link:

http://www.jakecolsen.com/contents.html

Be careful, though, it might just change your thinking and your life. I know it is already having a profound change on my outlook on God and life.

Orthopraxy

2007-06-18T09:10:00.000-05:00

Here is a great article from a lecture by Scot McKnight about the four "streams" that form the Emerging Church.

http://foolishsage.com/wp-content/uploads/McKnight%20-%20What%20is%20the%20Emerging%20Church.pdf

I thought it was a really easy and good read. Some of the stuff that he says about praxis really hit home for me. Like this paragraph:

"The central element of this missional praxis is that the emerging movement is not attractional in its model of the church but is instead missional: that is, it does not invite people to church but instead wanders into the world as the church. It asks its community “How can we help you?” instead of knocking on doors to increase membership. In other words, it becomes a community with open windows and open doors and sees Sunday morning as the opportunity to prepare for a week of service to the community, asking not how many are attending the services but what redemptive traits are we seeing in our community. It wants to embody a life that is other-oriented rather than self-oriented, that is community-directed rather than church-oriented."

I'd like to be a part of a church that does that and then has intentional activities and meetings throughout the week to allow those "redemptive traits" found in our community to shine forth and be practiced in a world that needs to see the love of Jesus from Christians (rather than divisiveness and arguments). It always seems to me like my "church family" on Sunday has nothing to do with the rest of my week. It's like I live two separate lives: Sunday Morning and The Rest Of The Week. :-(

Summer School

2007-06-13T08:40:00.000-05:00

Well, I am teaching business classes for Summer School at Success in Round Rock ISD. It is an alternative learning center for at-risk students to complete their credits. I'm teaching 2 classes over the course of 12 days. It is nice to get out at 2:00 each day and have Fridays off! That will last throughout the month of June.

In July, we're going lotsa places. Camp for Jonah in Abilene, a Professional Development conference in Dallas, Camp for Caleb in San Marcos, and then possibly coaching school in Fort Worth. Once August starts, I'll be getting ready for the next school year.

As for next year, I have been accepted to Region 13's Alternative Certification program to add 2 more certifications next year. I'm attempting to add Marketing and Media Tech certifications. It will be nice to have, but it will mean a lot more work next year. I'll have a steep learning curve for Media Tech and I'll have to be certified in Final Cut Pro before the end of the year. So, I'll be working on that industry certification at the same time. For the marketing, I am short 6 hours on my transcript for marketing, so I'll also be taking 2 classes at ACC next Fall to make up that difference.

Whew.

I keep telling myself it will be worth it. It will be a large investment in time, work, and money, but it will pay off in the end. Oh well, on with the summer. I hope I at least get a few days to chillax during this season.

Ash Wednesday

2007-02-21T09:31:00.000-06:00

This morning, I arose early and went to St. William Catholic Parish to attend an Ash Wednesday service at 6:30am. It was nice to get up before sunrise and focus my thoughts upon the upcoming Lenten season. Spending some time refocusing and redirecting my thoughts toward God is always an amazing thing. "Remember, man, that you are dust, and unto dust you shall return."

A season of penitence and repentance. Of return and forgiveness. Of restoration and redemption. This season is the gospel story in a nutshell. It is a time to stop doing whatever it is you are doing in this busy world and return to God. No matter where you are or where you've been, God longs to receive you and pour out his generous love upon you.

I was floored again this morning, standing in the nave of the large sanctuary, at how generous God is towards me. Many times I get stuck in my own "eye for an eye" thought process and feel deep inside like I have drawn too far from the relationship with my Lord. At those times, I realized this morning, I feel like the chasm is too great and that God would not receive me back into his loving fellowship without some work on my part. That I must somehow "work" my way back into his grace. That last sentence is actually kind of funny. The very definition of grace is that it is by nature, free. To fall into thinking that I must somehow earn it or work for it is ludicrous, at best.

Well, there I was, all ludicrous and humbled. I began praying and meditating on God's love and mercy. I was reminded of the story of the prodigal son and had a vision of Rembrandt's painting of that story. Although I haven't "wandered off" into wild living, my heart has wandered and not been close to God. All it takes is a spirit of repentance and a "turning toward" my Lord and He restores me gently.

It feels good to walk again in the light of relationship with God. I've been here many times before, but this time feels a little different. It feels somehow more real. More authentic. I am free to be who I am and God loves me for that. I don't feel the need to impress or somehow fool God into thinking that I'm a good little boy. I have failings and I will wander again. I'm sure that I will be posting another experience like this in the near future, as I return to Him again. However, that is the beauty of His grace. He loves me and always welcomes me.

Ah, progress...

2006-09-04T18:51:00.000-05:00

Wow! Where does the time go? My last posting was May 14th and now we are in September! A lot has happened over the summer and I have got to get myself back into the discipline of regular postings.

I am now a full-time Business Education teacher at McNeil High School here in Round Rock ISD. I teach "Business Image Management and Multimedia" (a course on graphics and video) and "Intro to Information Technology" (a survey course of the high tech industry). Although I have a LOT to learn, I am now 3 weeks in and still thoroughly enjoying it. I have also volunteered as an assistant coach with the Freshman football teams. So, I'm not just learning how to be a teacher, I am also learning how to be a coach. As much as I thought I knew about football is only a fraction compared to what I don't know. But, I love working with the kids and learning more and more each day. The days are LONG, but the rewards are great.

Caleb and Jonah started school this year at Star Charter School. Dina was feeling overwhelmed with homeschooling AND having 2 little children under 3 running around. She felt like she just couldn't divide her time well enough to give both the 2 older homeschoolers and the 2 younger rugrats at the same time. So, when the kids got accepted to Star Charter, we took advantage of the opportunity and enrolled them. Now, Dina gets 4 hours each morning to spend with Rachel and Andrew while the boys are in school. They are loving the school, but we are still having a rough time getting Caleb adjusted to the routine of how traditional school works.

On the church front, we have hired the previously mentioned youth pastor candidate and he started on August 1st. His name is Todd Reid and I have been working with him with the youth group. We started our first Youth worship service this past Sunday and we had a good time. There were at least 40 kids there. That is more than I have ever see at our youth group meetings.

Well, tomorrow is my birthday and Wednesday is Caleb's birthday. We celebrated both birthdays today, since it was a holiday. Next year, I don't want to celebrate my birthday on the same day as Caleb. I feel like it detracts from the attention he should be getting on his special day. Well, I've got to run and download the pictures from the camera from today. I'll try to post again sooner than 4 months from now...

Summer musings...

2006-05-14T20:50:00.000-05:00

Summer is almost here. At least it is school-wise. Although our kids have already finished school for this year (benefits of homeschooling), public school students only have 2 weeks left. The down side is that now I only have about a week or two of work left, as a substitute teacher. Hopefully in the Fall, I'll have a full-time teaching position. But, that doesn't help me for the summer. I'm trying to brainstorm options for a summer job. We have to gain income from somewhere.

At The Journey, we are bringing down a couple next week to see if they would be a good fit for our Youth Pastor position. They live in Telluride, Colorado right now. I can't imagine moving from such a beautiful locale, but God takes us all in different directions on our individual journeys. I'm reminded of this as I prepare to say goodbye to the Longorias as they head to NC. Gerald will only be here for one more week and I hope to have a last breakfast with him this week before he is gone. Although I know we will stay in touch and continue encouraging each other, it will be a little more lonely here in Austin, knowing that they aren't in the vicinity anymore.

So, I've been listening to some podcasts from Erwin McManus, the lead pastor for Mosaic in Los Angeles. Although Dina is getting tired of hearing me say, "let me tell you about this podcast I listened to by Erwin," I have heard some great stuff. The latest one that is on my mind is in regards to initiative. How many times do we sit idly by, waiting for something to happen, or someone to do something, rather than standing up and taking the initiative to do something ourselves? I've spent too much of my life stuck in passive mode, waiting for things to happen and watching opportunities pass me by. I'm determining to take control of my life and destiny and pursue God like a barbarian!

Lastly, I want to thank Dina for 9 years of being the mother of our children. She is the most loving mother and she loves children more than anyone I know. She sacrifices of her time, her love, her attention, her sleep, and her gifts and abilities to mold and shape all four of our children. Her patience has been extreme and her dedication unwavering. One day, all of our children will rise up and call her blessed. Many women have done excellently, but she has truly surpassed them all!

Popcorn, anyone?

2006-05-09T18:47:00.000-05:00

So, yesterday, I'm subbing at Stony Point 9th Grade Center. I'm just about to start class, when my cell phone rings and it is Dina. She says that Rachel somehow got an unpopped popcorn kernel into her ear and it is now stuck there. She has tried everything she can to remove it, all to no avail. So, a trip to the doctor is in her day. I spent the day texting and calling with her in between classes to check the status. It turns out our pediatrician couldn't get it out, either, and he sent them to an ENT. After a long wait in the lobby at the ENT, the doctor was able to quickly remove the kernel and Rachel was happy and whole again. However, Dina had to endure a long day of dealing with a screaming toddler in waiting rooms. Fun, it was not.

While I as at SP9, I spoke with the director of the IT Academy there. There may be a job opening soon, and I did some networking and lobbying with her and the principal of the school. I also found out today that I am still in the running for a teaching position at McNeil High School, as well. Wherever I may end up, I just pray that God will open up the doors for me and reveal where is best for me. Lastly on the job front, our pastor, Mitch, has been talking me up to the principal of Vista Ridge High School in Leander ISD and he has passed my resumé on to him as well. I'll be glad when the job hunt process is over. However, at that point, my stress will only shift into worry about dealing with my first year in teaching. But, it will be great to have a regular check again, not to mention insurance!

On a sad note, our best friends, the Longorias, are moving to North Carolina. Gerald got a better job offer with a server company there and he will be gone in a couple of weeks. Carol and the kids are gonna hang around a bit longer to clear and sell their house. I know that God always takes us in different directions, but it is always hard to have to put long distances between those that we love. I'll miss the phone calls and conversations over pancakes that Gerald and I have shared together. We have spent many a day spurring each other on, encouraging one another, and holding one another accountable. I feel excited for him and I know that God is leading them in this move.

So, the last 2 years has included more change in our 10-year marriage than we've ever faced at once. And, with my new career opportunities, the changes don't seem to be settling down for quite some time. Dina is my rock through it all and I could never make it each day without her help and the longing in my heart to come home to see her and the kids every day.

Day 31

2006-04-01T00:03:00.000-06:00

Yesterday, I got my acceptance letter from Region 13 ESC for their alternative certification program. I'll be working towards my Business Education certification. Now, I can start applying for jobs in the fall. It is both exciting and scary at the same time.

Today, I was privileged to attend a lunch hosted by the Emerging Church Network with Chris Seay of Ecclesia in Houston. We had some good discussion about Beauty, Story, and the Biblical Narrative. Later this evening, I was also able to go up to UT to attend the closing event for Rez Week. Chris Seay was speaking and the Robbie Seay Band was playing the worship set.

They had a bunch of cool art setups and some places for input by students to write their responses to some questions on a board. Question such as "When does knowledge conflict with truth?" and "Why do people pursue religion?" It was fascinating to read some of the uncensored responses to these questions.

I really liked the emphasis on Social Justice issues that they broached this year. I enjoyed the evening and spent some time dreaming about future campus ministry opportunities. I love students at this age. So many questions, so many ideas, so much passion. Unlimited potential, but such limited wisdom and knowledge. I pray that God can use me in some way down the road to minister to college students here in Austin. (I've already begun the dialogue with Mitch at our church about the possibilities in this area.)

Lastly, we watched a really funny video about the consumerism that has infiltrated Christianity as a whole, called The McPassion. [WARNING: This video is funny, sadly true, and pretty sacreligious. So, only watch it if you aren't easily offended!]

Day 21

2006-03-21T20:34:00.000-06:00

The end of a long day. I spent some time in meditation over Matthew 1-2 and Psalm 51 today. I'm following some directed Lenten Bible readings that Austin City Church is following. I'm a couple of weeks behind, so I'm doing 3 readings a day to catch up. A chapter at breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I'm truly feeding on God's word right now. Speaking of, I ended a 2-day fast today. It was good. It is helping me get more and more in to the discipline of fasting. I hope to grow to a point where I could do a 2-day fast every week.

I started my new job working with emotionally troubled kids at a Pflugerville Elementary school today. It breaks my heart to be working with a kid that is the same age as my Caleb and has already experienced so much pain in his life. I pray that I can show him some of Jesus' love for him during my time here.

I also got some further news about the teacher certification process. It looks like I'm somewhat of a "go" with the Region 13 alternative certification program for technology and business teaching. And, those certifications seem to go well with being a coach, too. So, I'm beginning the application process today.

We have small group tomorrow night and I'm looking forward to the fellowship and sharing of the Word. We didn't meet last week during Spring Break. I'm also wanting to set up a meeting with the lead pastor at small group. We are going to acknowledge our intentions to invest our family with The Journey for a season. I already have some dreams brewing about starting a college ministry there.

Heh, Day 19-ish

2006-03-19T20:52:00.000-06:00

Well, I've gone without posting for a couple of weeks again. It is so easy to fade from this discipline. I have to confess that I feel an inordinate amount of pressure (solely self-applied) when I write here. I feel like I have to have some deep theological ponderings to share before I can post. A lot of times, I don't get around to posting because my mind seems blank. I am trying to get past this strange obsession and get more into the discipline of this being a journal.

I want to post about life as it happens. Mundane or Majestic. Poetry and Prose. So...

Today was a good day. This is the last day of Spring Break, so I haven't worked (for pay) this last week. However, I did do a lot of work around the house. Trimming trees to moving furniture. I feel like I got a lot accomplished. Tomorrow I have a consulting gig and then on Tuesday, I start another long-term substitute teaching assignment at an Elementary School. I'm still excited about recareering as a teacher and a coach. I am just praying that everything works out in such a way that I can be both teaching and coaching (even in a volunteer position) this fall.

Our Austin Emergent Cohort meeting went well on Saturday, in spite of the rain. I really enjoyed the conversation and I'm beginning to develop a real sense of belonging and community with many of the members of the cohort. It is such a blessing to have people from many different expressions of Christian faith come together for mutual edification.

Today, we went to Journey again. It was a blessing. I'm meeting with the lead pastor this week. I plan to offer our family's commitment to this body for a season. I am so anxious to have a place to serve again. I already have visions for starting a college ministry at the Journey. It's hard for me to sit back and just be a "member". I love to serve in ministry.

Tonight we experienced liturgy with Austin City Church. It was a blessed time and it was good to share in fellowship with the believers there. It was also a blessing to take of the Lord's Supper with dine. It's been a few months since we've shared that together. Afterwards, we attended an Art Gallery opening that they had in their building. The photos were called "Samples of Society" and were great pictures by Hal Samples of the homeless in our culture. They made for a great tapestry and "stained glass" for Austin City Church.

So, I went through a 4-day juice fast during the week before Spring Break and I'm considering another one this week. God continues to minister to me during this Lenten season and hopefully I can share more of scattered thoughts here as I continue to develop this discipline.

Day 4

2006-03-04T23:00:00.000-06:00

I enjoyed a one-day fast during this last week for Ash Wednesday. However, I am contemplating engaging in a longer, perhaps 7-day, fast during this next week. I'm a wimp about it though and my flesh is crying out in fear about it. My spirit is willing, but my flesh is weak. I need another day to pray about it before I make the decision.

So, today I have been grappling in my mind and spirit with the "vow of poverty". I struggle with the question of whether my life can truly be changed into Christ's likeness if I am content to acquire material things and satisfy the obsessions of my flesh. The American Dream. Is it truly our right, as Christians (or "little Christs") to pursue life liberty and the pursuit of happiness? That doesn't ring true with the life that God lived in the form of Jesus on our planet. As a matter of fact, Jesus voluntarily gave up those rights in order to serve others.

Maybe my life should be more directed to pursuing the life, liberty, and happiness of those around me, instead of my own. Maybe the pursuit of material gain (which is implied in our culture today as another inalienable right) serves only to drag me down and distract me from my true purpose? What is truly "mine" anyway? It all belongs to God. I spend an inordinate amount of time to worldly gain and I spend little to no time in pursuit of pouring out my life and possessions for the good of others. What makes me more of a "little Christ" than any other red-blooded American in the pursuit of a new big-screen TV and a Mercedes?

How does this pursuit of downward moving, rather than upward climbing, look with a family of 6? I don't know. But, I think it looks somewhat different than what I am doing now. I am seeking for God to reveal to me small ways of pouring out of my life to others, yet still be the steward (financially and provisionally) for my family that God desires me to be. Maybe the next few weeks will yield some new treasures of the heart that I can wrestle with and walk away with to change some of my self-centeredness.

I told Dina today that I wanted to dream up ways that our family can begin to make an impact of some sort in our community. I would love to work at a homeless shelter, soup kitchen, or even Habitat for Humanity as a family. However, with 2 younguns under the age of 3, those all seem to be difficult prospects. Somehow I pray that the Lord will reveal to me ways around me that I can pursue the downward moving way and lead my family in loving and serving of the people that live in the world all around me that need a taste of God's love lived out in the life of a "little Christ".

Day 3

2006-03-03T22:04:00.000-06:00

In the quest for a deeper knowledge of the mystery of God, this quote has been helpful to me:

"Many people flock to places and persons who promise intensive experiences of togetherness, cathartic emotions of exhilaration and sweetness, and liberating sensations of rapture and ecstasy. In our desperate need for fulfillment and our restless search for the experience of divine intimacy, we are all too prone to construct our own spiritual events. In our impatient culture, it has indeed become extremely difficult to see much salvation in waiting." - Reaching Out, by Henri Nouwen

I'll confess that I've been a little disappointed so far. Three days into my quest for Christian Mysticism and contemplation, and I'd hoped to have had some "mystical experiences" with God already. Heh. Life continues and my heart is still fancied by the distractions of the world around me. Sure, there have been moments of sweetness so far. But, the mundane has seemed to occupy much more of my time than I had hoped. It is so difficult to find quiet moments to indulge in the goodness of God. And if there is a quiet moment, it never seems long enough to truly dive in deep.

Scattered thoughts and experiences have defined my quest so far. I know that there are many depths and "unknowings" to be experienced yet. However, Nouwen's quote gives me hope that although the road my seem bleak, the waiting produces something in me that longs for more of God. Instead of formulating some fragmented and formulaic spiritual experience, I am finding Him more in the threads of my day. From short prayers uttered in the hallways at school to dedicated meditation during my fasting, I have become at one with His spirit.

I partook of His body and blood this morning to break my fast. It was a sweet moment in the hours around dawn before the house got noisy. I was taken by listening to John Michael Talbot's singing of The Magnificat in "Holy Is His Name". It was a sweet moment of exaltation of God and contemplating the mystery of His choosing a broken and weak humanity to display His greatest work.

We had a great meeting tonight for the Austin Emergent Cohort. Lots of good dialogue and sharing. We had 3 new members show up and share their background and story. It was great to feel connected to other believers from differing traditions as we all weave together in the great narrative of God's kingdom.

Day 2 thoughts

2006-03-02T22:49:00.000-06:00

Here I am on the second day of Lent. I chose to fast today, as I forgot to fast yesterday (a traditional fasting day for Lent). I spent my lunch reading a little bit of McLaren and enjoying the beautiful weather. I spent some time contemplating the Bibilical narrative and how we can either continue the story or break from it.

When I got home, I spent about 30 minutes listening to some music and laying in the hammock. I was thinking a lot about the loss of poetry in our society and how much we live in a prose-centric world. We'd much rather write scientific textbooks about horticulture rather than actually smell the wonder of the flowers that God has surrounded us with. How much of the beauty of God's creation do we read about or watch on TV and never actually experience? I want to come into closer relationship with my senses and begin to experience more of God in all aspects of the world around me.

I also spent some time contemplating the Lord's Supper and the doctrine of transubstantiation. This is a, traditionally Catholic, doctrine that claims that once the bread and the wine are blessed, they actually become the real blood and flesh of Christ. In thinking about some of this, I began thinking about how radical a message that Jesus gave when He said, "eat of me" and "drink of me". There is so much more to the taking of communion than we realize. I plan to break my fast tomorrow morning with some intimate time with the Lord and communion. Lord, help me to meet you in a deeper way tomorrow as I take in the first food to my body. I want to know what it truly means that Your flesh is "real food" and your blood is "real drink" - John 6:54-56.

Ash Wednesday

2006-03-01T18:02:00.000-06:00

So, today is March 1st and Ash Wednesday. It is the start of the Lenten season. I want to take this season to explore deeper inot the mystical and contemplative side of my spirituality. I'll be reading regularly from Henri Nouwen and listening to a lot of John Michael Talbot! :P

I want to take these next 40 days to explore the wisdom of God in all of its mysteriousness and glory. From the ashes of repentance to the glorious rebirth that is represented by Easter. I want to dig deep and find the healer of my soul. I want to fall deeper in love with the keeper of my days. His faithfulness is beyond my understanding or recognition. His goodness is great beyond compare. My daily dependence upon His mercies and His provision goes mostly unnoticed in my own shallow heart. I long to dive deep and explore the rich depths that He offers. I want to come face to face with the fear that those depths inspire. The mystery and the majesty. I want to be surrounded and filled. And then to walk out of this 40 days changed. As Winter grapples with Spring during this season, I, like Jacob, want to wrestle with God and walk away with a limp.

In a house with 4 young children, it is hard to find focused time, but I am determined to push through in these next few weeks. I will pursue the disciplines and seek the face of Yahweh. I will find the perspective on my own fragile existence through tasting a little bit of the mystery of the divine.

Lord, I seek you. Take me to places that I've never dreamed in the depths of Your essence.

Drabilene was icy!

2006-02-20T16:53:00.000-06:00

So, we got back from Abilene yesterday evening. We went up on Saturday morning and watched the thermometer on the van go from around 36 degrees in Austin to 21 degrees in Abilene. There was a little bit of freezing rain on the way, but not too bad. There were actually some snowflakes in Abilene, but not much of substance. It was mainly just cold and windy. We got to eat at Taco Bueno and the new Rosa's restaurant near ACU. Both were very good. We got to see my niece, Becky, and see her Freshman Class win their Sing Song competition on Saturday evening.

We spent the night with Dina's sister and brother-in-law and then went to Highland Church of Christ for church. We got to see several old friends from my college days, like Kyle Dickson, Brandon Scott Thomas, Reg Cox, and John Scott Davis. It was good to reconnect with them all. After that, we went to Dina's parent's house for lunch and to visit with them. From there, we drove home and got back around 6:00 yesterday evening.

We got the kids in bed early and enjoyed a few hours of peace and quiet. We watched Super Size Me on DVD and then went to bed. No more McDonald's for me for a while!

So, tomorrow morning, I'm going to try to reconnect with the Journey Bible Fellowship men's group at 6:00am. We're also going to try to visit a home group this week. We're also planning on meeting with some of our friends that have also left our old church home for a bowling night next Sunday.

Well, I have to administer the TAKS test at school tomorrow, so that will also be a new interesting experience. Just another good thing to put on the old resumé as I pursue the possiblility of becoming a teacher. So, tomorrow will be a long day.

Valentine's Day

2006-02-14T19:34:00.000-06:00

So, today I found out that the Educational Assistant position may not open up to full-time after all. However, the lead teacher is working on it for me and she is trying to make some things happen. So, again, time will tell. A year ago, this would have really affected my emotions, but one thing God has helped me with during this time is to trust Him in all things. I know that He is working things out for my good, so I no longer quickly label things as "blessings" or "curses". I just say "time will tell." This reminds me of a cool parable that I read in a Max Lucado book years ago, but I can't remember it too well. I'll have to go back to see if I can find it.

Today is Valentine's Day and we aren't doing too much. Dina was awesome and made me a great dinner, even after a long day of hauling all four kids around a museum today. Money has been tight, so we can't really afford to buy things or go to dinner. But, I have been, as usual, trying to show her how much I love her over the last several weeks (our anniversary, her birthday, etc.), so I'm almost a little out of creativity. I know she knows that I love her, but I don't know if she really knows how deeply that love goes and how much I want to be with her all the time. She is truly a part of me and I can't imagine life without her.

Our cohort meeting is this weekend, but we will be in Abilene. So, I had to cancel the meeting. We've had an influx of new members since our mention in the Emergent Village newsletter, so I hope we'll all get to meet the new folks at our March meeting.

I'm also learning a lot about stepping out of my religious "comfort zone" and embracing people and ideas that my upbringing has told me to shun. I just can't get behind any system of belief that automatically counts someone out if they don't live up to a certain standard. In my reading of the Bible, I find that Jesus first loved those he came into contact with (both sinners and the self-labeled "righteous"). It was only after loving them, accepting them, and meeting their needs that he then called them to a higher standard of walking. I was ingrained in a system that demands that people quit sinning (as if anyone could do that anyway) and walk at a higher level before they could be loved and accepted. To me, that just isn't walking as Jesus would walk (I John 2:6).

What?? An update?

2006-02-12T13:03:00.000-06:00

Well, here I am again. Life happens. I'm trying to make blogging happen more, too.

Let's see, a lot has happened lately. I am currently in a long-term substitute teaching position at Westview Middle School in Pflugerville ISD. It is a special education position working with emotionally troubled kids. The position is scheduled to last for 5 weeks and rumor has it that they may offer me the position full-time. It is an Educational Assistant position, so I don't need to be certified to teach. It doesn't pay that much, but it would be guaranteed income at a higher rate than substitute teaching. So, we are excited to see what turns out there.

Earlier this year, I began mulling over the possibility of "recareering" - changing the direction of my life midstream. I have begun to pursue the idea of getting certified to become a full-time teacher. My long-term goal would actually to become a football coach. I love working with kids and I am looking at how my life can have a deeper impact on kids in the world that need to know that Jesus and others care about them. My buddy, Gerald, always says that the ultimate youth ministry is to be a teacher in the public schools. In looking to maximize my efforts to be a true representative of Jesus in the marketplace, I am beginning to get a vision of how that may look as a teacher. So, I am pursuing investigations into an alternate certification program with Region 13 ESC that starts this summer. This current EA position would carry us through to the summer when that program would start. I'll keep you updated on how this search goes.

We have begun semi-formally attending a new church here, too. I can't say that we've fully decided to settle here, but we have been attending for the last 4-5 weeks and I really like the ethos of the church and the leadership. It is called The Journey Bible Fellowship and they meet at Vista Ridge High School in Cedar Park. I've visited their men's weekly breakfast and Dina has started attending a women's Bible study. We hope to check out a small group or two in the next week or so, as well.

As for the Austin Emergent Cohort, we have been meeting once every two weeks for the past couple of months. Interest has grown in the group as we were mentioned in the Emergent Village weekly email newsletter a couple of weeks ago. We have grown from just two of us to now 31 members registered in the last couple of months. The most that we have seen at a gathering has been 16, but we are averaging between 10-15 each time. We hope to start reading a book together soon, but which one is still up for grabs. A couple of weeks ago, we watched a movie from a DVD called 36 Parables. It was really well done and I heartily recommend the DVD. The makers of the series are attempting to use the arts and today's technology to "re-tell" the parables of Jesus in ways that 21st-century humans can easily understand. Check it out if you get a chance.

Almost Christmas

2005-12-23T13:30:00.000-06:00

I won't even justify why it has been so long between postings. But that's probably because I don't have any readers, so I would just be justifying it to myself. Anyway, here I am on Christmas Eve Eve. The tree is decorated and the kids are excited. I can see their energy level rise over the last few weeks. As much as I love the holiday of Christmas, I am somewhat ready for it to be over, so the kids will calm down a notch.

I've got no job prospects at the moment. I continue to send out resumés and I continue to hear nothing back. I really need to find some training to beef up my Windows skills. I really feel like I am being shut out due to a perceived "anti-Mac" mindset in the marketplace. I've been substitute teaching a lot, which I enjoy. But, it still isn't enough to support a family. I'd still like to make my business work, but I just can't seem to come up with a model that is profitable and that will work.

We are still visiting churches. Still not much on that front. I keep hoping we'll come across a group of believers that has potential, but all we are finding is cookie-cutter churches. Dunno. I officially wrote my "separation" letter to the pastor and elders of RRC. I hope to meet with them soon to discuss it. I want some closure in this area. Although it feels good to be free of that ever-deteriorating situation, it still feels gloomy to be without a true church family right now.

On a good note, the Austin Emergent Cohort that I have been working on starting seems to be really taking off. We went from 3 members to a whopping 20 or so members over the last month. We had an organizational meeting a week or so ago and we plan to have meetings every other week, starting this January. If you want more info about it, click the "Meetup" badge picture in my sidebar. We are going to start off by discussing the "Emergent Rule" that was drafted recently to try to guide the Emerging Church movement.

Well, that's all for now. I'll try to blog more at another time.

Time for an Update

2005-11-08T16:04:00.000-06:00

Well, more time has gone by and no updates from me. Well, here we go.

On the job front, things aren't looking too great. From the best we can tell, the 2 job opportunities at Dell have gone by the wayside suddenly. Not really sure what happened there, as it really felt like we were just waiting on an offer from them. I know they had to recently lay off some employees, so maybe that has shaken up all hiring. Anyway, they told me that there probably won't be any more opportunities there until January, at the earliest. The Chicago Youth For Christ interview was cool. I really enjoyed the trip and meeting the kids. The downside, is that they just can't offer us enough money for our family. That sounds like I'm being greedy, but I am talking about basics. Their total package would provide enough for us to have the most minimal housing, food, and gas for the car. There was no further room for needed things like utilities, medical, savings, emergency, etc. So, I had to call them yesterday and turn down the job. It is really frustrating to be unemployed and to have to turn down a job that is on your plate. Especially when I really think I would have enjoyed the job itself so much. So, for the time being, I'm still subbing, working my business, and looking for where God is taking us now.

On the church front, we've been visiting other churches for the last 5 or 6 weeks. We haven't really found any that we really connect with. It is depressing to feel like you don't have anything in common, theology-wise and praxis-wise, with most churches. None of the places we've gone have really been worth talking about. They are all pretty cookie-cutter in their praxis. They present a "Sunday-Morning-Performance" to tickle the fancies of a bunch of comfortable people who don't want to be too bothered. I'm looking for a small group of people that want to live life differently. A "band of brothers" that wants to meet together regularly and challenge one another to live a life as Christ lived. It's too easy to get comfortable in my easy chair at home. The last thing I need is an easy chair at a once-a-week production that will lull me even more to sleep. How does singing a bunch of pop songs about God and filling in a bunch of blanks on a sermon outline help me to look more like Jesus to the world around me? I need someone that will be there during my week. Some people that will challenge the ideas that I hold so firmly. People that will call me out of my easy chair and will walk with me among the poor and forsaken of the world. People that will get dirty alongside me, as we reach out and serve those whom Jesus would have walked with. This is more than a once-a-week club. I want a small community that lives life together. Life Together. That in itself would make a cool church name. I guess I'd have to give somewhat of a nod to Bonhoeffer for that one, though.

All I know is that life is hard. Living that life as a follower and disciple of Jesus is even harder. I want to connect with a group of people that will live that adventurous journey together. To laugh together, to cry together, to eat together. I realize that, in our culture, we need our own private family time, but this once-a-week church model is much less community time than I need. And, to make it worse, every church I've gone to doesn't seem to want or demand much more than that.

Sometimes I wish I could start my own church/community. Life Together. But, I feel very overwhelmed by the task and definitely not worthy of that kind of leadership. I just wonder if I'll ever be satisfied sitting in the pews of a "regular" church anymore.

Wow, that was a rant. Sorry. Hopefully things will improve on both the job and the church fronts soon. It's hard to get up every day when so much of your life seems to be turned upside down.

Finally! An update!

2005-10-10T20:15:00.000-05:00

Wow. Time sure gets by me sometimes. It has been almost a month since I last posted. Well, some things have changed and some are still the same. But, isn't that life?

On the job front, I've been substitute teaching for Round Rock ISD and Brentwood Christian. I'm set up to teach at Pflugerville ISD, but haven't gotten a job from them yet. I had 2 interviews with Dell that seemed to go well. Although I haven't heard anything yet, I feel like I might get an offer from one of them, if not both.

To further complicate things, I've been asked to fly to Chicago to interview in person for a Campus Life Director position with Chicago Metro Youth For Christ. I think I'm gonna cash in some frequent flyer miles and do that next week. While I'm there, I'm also gonna try to go to Bloomington to see my friend, Lieb Johnson and possibly have an interview or two at State Farm (their headquarters is in Bloomington, IL). Whew. Lot's going on with the job front. We're still praying that God will reveal to us the way that we are to go.

We're still seeking on the church front. We haven't left our current church, but we aren't happy there either. We've visited a couple of other churches here in Austin, but we've been quite disappointed. Why are most churches just a carbon copy clone of each other. If I hear "seeker" one more time I'm gonna lose it. While perusing a popular Round Rock church's website the other day, I was becoming nauseous. The site looked great, but it was all about programs and ministries and parties and on and on. Where is the community? Where is the discipleship? Where is the impact on the community? Well, we'll keep seeking.

I guess that's about all for now. I'll try to update later, as I know more on the jobs.

Open Doors

2005-09-11T21:50:00.000-05:00

Sunday night. Today was such a great feeling, after my Longhorns pulled out that great win over Ohio State yesterday. It is great to finally see such good press about our football team, after years of being told we couldn't win the big game and that when push came to shove, the Horns were always getting shoved. Anyway, good game. If anyone wants to see it, I Tivo'ed it. So, I'll prolly watch the highlights again soon.

Today at church was OK, I guess. Dina and I are still longing to find a community of people that share in similar faith practice as ours. We feel so weak and unfulfilled where we are. Not that church should be about being fed, but how do you fellowship with so many people that just don't view church in the same way? It feels like a lot of our members just view church as another blip on their weekly schedule and Dina and I feel like it should be so much more. Encompassing our daily lives. Well, we keep praying and enduring.

On the job front, I am going to substitute teach at Brentwood Christian School tomorrow. I spent 5 years of my education at that school. It sure has changed since then, however. It will be interesting, though. I might even run into some of the teachers that were there when I was a student. I also passed the Dell Sales Assessment test this past Friday, so I might even find myself working on the grinding floor in Dell sales. But, at this point, we're about ready to walk through any door that God opens up. I also have a phone interview this week with Chicago Metro Youth For Christ. I think that one is on Wednesday. If they like me from the phone interview, I might end up flying up there to interview in person for the Campus Life Director job.

Ministry? High Tech? Education? Who knows? I'm just putting all my irons in the fire and waiting for God to tell me which one to pull out.

Oh yeah, my first Hebrew class was fun this last week. We have a quiz this week and I'm memorizing the Hebrew alphabet. I've got it memorized, now I"m just working on being able to identify the written letters with the name of the letter.

Well, that's all for now. Gotta go get the kids to bed.

Mirages

2005-09-05T20:58:00.000-05:00

Well, I'm sitting here listening to the "Return of the King" soundtrack that I got for my birthday. Yes, today was my birthday. 36 years of treading the dust of this Earth now. I have to say, due to circumstances of life right now, this has been one of my lowest birthdays ever.

I quit getting excited about my birthday several years back, but this year, I just didn't even want to acknowledge it. I think I just feel a lot of worry and pressure about our job situation. I'm just having some real difficulties making my business work and have had some real strong thoughts about scrapping it altogether. I really feel like I have heard God call me back to Youth Ministry, but all the doors have closed so far. Every secular job I have tried to go after have closed as well. It is just getting very hard to get out of bed each day, only to face more and more rejection. I am finding myself at a point of seeking God and not hearing from Him. It is so hard to walk through the desert and not know where any help may come. It feels lonely and dry.

I start my Hebrew class tomorrow, though. And tomorrow is Caleb's birthday, so that will be fun. I'm just praying that God will reveal Himself to me soon, as I feel stretched and tired.

Life as a house

2005-08-30T10:41:00.000-05:00

Today is gonna be a packed day. Now that the kids (and Dad) have had their cereal, the laundry is started, and the dishes are done, it's time to go run some errands. We have to go to Costco to get some household supplies and dog food. This afternoon, I plan to visit Pflugerville ISD and Round Rock ISD to sign up as a substitute teacher there. I'm still waiting on my transcript from ACU to sign up with Austin ISD. Leander ISD has a sign-up day on Thursday morning. I also talked to Brentwood Christian School and they are sending me an application packet in the mail.

On Friday, I'm going to the Supercuts training center to be a hair model for them. In other words, I'm gonna be a guinea pig for them to show prospectives how to cut hair. But hey, I get a free haircut out of the deal, so it all works out.

Caleb and I were wrestling on the trampoline yesterday and we accidently broke my watchband. So, that reminds me that today, I have to shop for a new band, too.

Well, Dina is starting to feel better, but I'm still trying to take the bulk of the household tasks off of her shoulders. I've got the kids picking up the living room right now. I guess I should go take a shower and get ready for the rest of the day.

Sick House

2005-08-29T18:13:00.000-05:00

Well, I'm only posting, because my wife posted to hers and she's making me look bad. Heh. I can't think of much to write. I think I need to get over the feeling that I have to write some long intellectual thing to post. I haven't blogged in quite a while, as I just didn't think I had a lot to say. Well, this entry is to change that.

This last week has been slow, as Dina and most of the kids were sick. Dina had strep throat and the kids had the stomach bug. I have mostly hung around the house and taken care of things here. Just when everyone was getting well, Dina got hit hard by the stomach bug last night. So, we're back to Dad cooking again. Fun! More hot dogs, coming up! Good thing our kids are little, or they might rebel.

On the job front, I was in the running for a Youth Ministry job earlier this month, but I didn't get the offer. I am still sending out resumés and trying to discover what God has planned for us. I'm going to the different school districts tomorrow to sign up as a substitute teacher (something I did in Grad School). My friend in Illinois is still trying to get me an interview at State Farm there. But, that would require a move. Who knows? I sure wish things would work out one way or another soon as money is tight again.

Lastly, I'm going to audit an Intro To Hebrew class at Austin Graduate School of Theology this Fall. It starts next Tuesday. I missed Hebrew in all of my college work, so I figured it would be good to get a foundation.

OK, well, that's all for now. Gotta go make some hot dogs...

San Antonio Adventure

2005-07-16T16:26:00.000-05:00

So, this morning, Dina and I took the kids to San Antonio for the morning. Our purpose in going was actually for me. I wanted to attend a meeting of the San Antonio Emergent Cohort. It was a great meeting and I was able to make some new friends that are on similar journeys as I am. We practiced Lectio Divina using John 17:20-26.

One of the things we gained from this exercise was that we noticed Jesus' call to unity among the disciples. Many times he calls them to be "one" as He and the Father are one. It was interesting, as well, to see that this would be a mark for how the world would know that Jesus was sent from God. Unfortunately, the state of Christendom is not one easily marked by "unity". Even among my evangelical tradition, it seems that we spend more time trying to see how we disagree with others, rather than working to "be one" with others. It is no wonder that the world doesn't take Christianity seriously, when we can't practice this "oneness" that Jesus prayed for the disciples.

What would our world look like if all disciples of Jesus could spend more time seeking how to love one another, rather than seeking how to "protect ourselves from corruption" and fear of syncretism. Unity is not something that we have to strive to create, it is something we are given. Unfortunately, through our actions, we break unity and cause disunity. If we could stop to take the time to, as verse 26 says, love one another rather than rebuke one another, we might find unity growing more in our midst.

Well, lots more thoughts to chew on. The thing I love most about this phase of my spiritual journey is that it forces me to rethink things and chew on things that I've taken for granted for many years. Hey, I've even begun the process of trying to form an Austin Emergent Cohort. It will be great to find a group of people locally that I can have more consistent relationship with to share in this conversation.

Anyway, after the meeting, we all had lunch at Beto's Comida Latina, an awesome Mexican restaurant not far from Viva! Bookstore (where we met for the meeting). We continued our conversation there and got to eat some really tasty empanadas. After that, we said our goodbyes and headed back North to Austin. However, on the way we stopped at the Outlet Malls in San Marcos and I found a great deal on Postmodern Youth Ministry by Tony Jones. I'm sure it will make for an interesting read.

After that, we came back home and rested for a bit. Now we're about to go out to eat at Texas Land and Cattle Co. to celebrate our anniversary! My Mom gave us a gift card back at our actual anniversary in January and we are now finally going to use it! Smoked Sirloin, here we come!

I can't post...Yes, I can!

2005-07-04T09:31:00.000-05:00

Well, today is Jonah's 6th birthday. We're planning on celebrating it "Star Wars"-style. He wanted a cake that looks like a "ballcano" (his pronunciation of Volcano) and has Anakin and Obi-Wan having a lightsaber duel on it. It is quite funny that he grasps that, as we have not let them watch Episode 3. Anyway, Dina did an amazing job on the cake and I'll post some pictures of it later today or tomorrow on our homepage. After the birthday celebration with my family, we plan to head out to Old Settler's Park for some good old-fashioned fireworks. (We alway tell Jonah that they shoot off fireworks in honor of his birthday every year. How long will we be able to keep that ruse up, before he gets wise to us?) :-)

We also were able to get a free trampoline for the kids from Craigslist. It has a hole in the middle of the bed, so we're either gonna have to get a new bed or see if we can get this repaired. Either way, the kids will love it.

So, Dina and I are again grappling with everything that is going on in our lives. Sometimes it feels like I am in a whirlpool, swirling around in confusion. Our church struggles are only compounded by my work struggles. Dina helped me identify last night that I really struggle with an "I can't" spirit that causes me to set goals and then immediately torpedo them because I feel like they are unattainable. I need to really seek within myself and my desires, and then seek the Lord heavily over the next few days to figure out what I want to do over the next couple of years and then pursue it. No matter what obstacles appear to be in the way.

The first small sign of conquering the "I can't" spirit is to pursue finding or starting an emergent cohort here in Austin. I strongly desire to find a person or a few people who are walking the same journey that we are to converse with. We are definitely in a state of "disembedding" from the traditional church system and seeking to find something new that better models what Christ intended for the "church" to look like here on earth.

What good is unsalty salt?

2005-06-22T23:25:00.000-05:00

As I write, Brad and two of his friends from San Antonio, Steve and Dorian, are in the other room. They are crashing on my living room floor. Steve and Dorian have a flight out to Baltimore around 6am, so they needed a place to rest their weary heads before they go to the airport. It was fun visiting with Brad and meeting Steve and Dorian. God, may you bless their travel and allow them to meet You in a deeper way on this trip. May they come into contact with lives that may be touched by Your grace and be the hands and feet of Jesus to those they meet during this trip.

So, I was reading a great article by Dallas Willard called "How Does The Disciple Live?" He stirred several thoughts in me, but I really like his thoughts concerning the spiritual disciplines. Here is a quote from the article:

"Disciplines are, in essence, activities in our power that enable us, by grace, to do what we cannot do by direct effort—by 'just trying.' We cannot, by just trying, succeed in loving our enemies and heartily blessing those who curse us. But by a wise practice of disciplines in the presence of Christ, we can become people who will routinely and easily do so."

My life has to be a constant striving to become molded more into the shape of Jesus. He uses the term that we are to be "Jesus' apprentice" in the article. I like that term, because it is so full of meaning. As an apprentice, we are not perfect, but we are constantly walking with the master to learn the "tricks of the trade". The goal of an apprentice, however, is not to stay an apprentice, it is to eventually become a master oneself. I think that spiritual discipline in our lives helps to transform us from casual observers to people that are actively becoming more like little Christs here on earth (hence the term "Christians" that were given to the disciples in Antioch - Acts 11:25-26). They were ordinary men and women who, through their pursuit of Christ, began to look more and more like Him to the world around them.

How tired I am of looking like the world around me and not like Christ. The church today has lost its saltiness. It is nearly impossible to identify Christians in our day-to-day lives. We have to rely on Jesus T-Shirts, Christian Fish Symbols, or Yard Signs to find the people of God around us. I don't remember Jesus saying that the world will know us because we have a fish sign on our car. He said that the world would know us by our love. We sure can build nice buildings, but how are we loving those around us that most need it?

Potato Salad Confessions

2005-06-21T10:41:00.000-05:00

So, I enjoyed meeting with a bunch of friends at the White's place for BBQ this last Friday night. We had more BBQ than I could eat, corn on the cob, potato salad, baked beans, and much more. It was all topped off by peach and cherry cobbler with Blue Bell Homemade Vanilla ice cream. I ate until I truly felt like I was gonna pop. But, better even than all that food, was the fellowship of believers. We didn't have a formal worship time and neither did we have a sermon. But, I still say that what we did that night was Church. It was the Church of Jesus alive today and sharing our lives together in community. Is it everything that the Church should be today? No, but it was much closer to real-life faith than any 2-hour service I've sat through on a Sunday. I laughingly joked about wanting to start a new church called "BBQ Church".

On a similar note, at Deeper last night, we did a "block-party-neighborhood-outreach" type of thing. There was a scary looking clown making balloon animals. (Is it just me, or did he look like some of the clowns from my nightmares?) There was a live band playing everything from My Girl to La Bamba to Better Is One Day. There were games, driveway chalk, hamburgers, hot dogs, lotsa cookies and such, and kids running all over the place. But, most of all, there was good fellowship and a spirit of bridge-building to the community. At one point, one of the neighborhood kids came up to Gerald to thank him for the party and Gerald told him to come again sometime. I jokingly said something about "same time, same place" next week and Gerald asked if I was trying to invent "Block Party Church". I laughed, but then I had some ideas. What if, once a week, or even once every 2 weeks, a group of Christians in community together, opened up a house in one of their neighborhoods for "Block Party Church". Let the neighbors know that there is a standing invitation to come by for some free hamburgers and hot dogs on those days. Play games, play music, eat food, have fellowship, and meet people who need God. Sure, sometimes you'd have zero visitors and sometimes you'd have 10. But, it would be an effort to "go" to where the harvest is and make connections. I reckon that model would bring more people into meaningful relationship with God than our standard "come-watch-a-show" 2-hour spectaculars on Sundays that no self-respecting non-Christian would want to get out of bed for.

Block Party Church and BBQ Church. What was said in jest, might actually ring with a tone of genuineness. After all, we read of many times in the Gospels where Jesus was "breaking bread" and having meals with "tax collectors and sinners". Hey, his first recorded miracle was at a party where he furnished more of the party supplies when they ran out! I like this quote from an article that Dina sent me:

"In recent years I've come to realize that our religious institutions are not the church God sees. What God calls 'church' are all the people who know his Son as their Lord and leader. They are scattered over the whole world, growing to know him better and to demonstrate his character in the world. This is the bride God is preparing for his own Son."

Alright, who's turn is it to bring the BBQ sauce to next week's bridal shower?

There is a bigger picture.

2005-06-12T22:15:00.000-05:00

Lately, I've been wrestling with my sinful nature. More specifically, I've been wrestling with the demonic forces that want me to believe that, instead of revolving around the sun, the world revolves around me. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't consider myself a very selfish or narcissistic person. I rather enjoy serving and putting others first. However, my views of God, I've noticed, tend to be heavily skewed towards me as the center.

For instance, in the matters of my life, my prayers are about what God can and will do for ME. I seek God's will for MY life. I want God to speak to ME about ME. I've seemingly lost site of a world around me and the fact that I am but a tool in His hands. In the greater narrative of God's story, I am only but an extra. However, it seems like I demand the star dressing room from God. Even our worship tends to focus on ourselves and what God will do for us or what we will do for God. Here is a great excerpt from an open letter to songwriters by Brian McLaren:

"Let me make this specific: Too many of our lyrics are embarrassingly personalistic, about Jesus and me. Personal intimacy with God is such a wonderful step above a cold, abstract, wooden recitation of dogma. But it isn’t the whole story. In fact—this might shock you—it isn’t, in the emerging new postmodern world, necessarily the main point of the story. A popular worship song I’ve heard in many venues in the last few years (and which we sing at Cedar Ridge, where I pastor) says that worship is “all about You, Jesus,” but apart from that line, it really feels like worship, and Christianity in general, has become “all about me, me, me.”

If you doubt what I’m saying, listen next time you’re singing in worship. It’s about how Jesus forgives me, embraces me, makes me feel his presence, strengthens me, forgives me, holds me close, touches me, revives me, etc., etc. Now this is all fine. But if an extraterrestrial outsider from Mars were to observe us, I think he would say either a) that these people are all mildly dysfunctional and need a lot of hug therapy (which is ironic, because they are among the most affluent in the world, having been blessed in every way more than any group in history), or b) that they don’t give a rip about the rest of the world, that their religion/spirituality makes them as selfish as any nonChristian, but just in spiritual things rather than material ones."

Could it be that many of the "circumstances" that happen in our lives, happen not because God wants something for us, but that he wants to use us to minister and bless others? I know that I have been challenged by God to take a look at the "events" of my life in a new way. I want to see how He is preparing and using me in the broader scope of His plan, and not just how He wants to bless me. I want to change my faith from being self-centered to being others-centered.

Rethinking "Church"

2005-06-10T19:34:00.000-05:00

I came across this great definition of rethinking what "Church" is:

"Consider this definition of church:

A loose-knit network of Jesus followers who gather together to encourage each other in their spiritual life and who go out, moved by the Holy Spirit, sharing and demonstrating the Gospel.

Loose-knit. Not formal membership, just a love-commitment to God and each other.

Jesus followers. The basic requirement for membership in the church.

Who gather together. Gathering to build one another up and to worship.

Who go out. The purpose of believers… to GO with the message.

Moved by the Holy Spirit. The one and only LEADER of the church.

Sharing and demonstrating the gospel. The reason that the church GOES.

Neither the church gatherings, nor the church’s “goings” had to have anything other than believers + the Holy Spirit. Nothing else was necessary for church to be church. Sometimes apostles were present, many times not. Sometimes elders were present, many times not. The church really is the followers of Jesus who engaged in gathering and going."

Along these lines, here is a great article the defines what appears to me to be a better definition of what Christ intended the "church" to be. A Description Of A House Church.

Things to ponder. More to come later.

New place to spew...

2005-06-10T12:08:00.000-05:00

Well, I'm making the leap from Live Journal to Blogger. I just really like the feel of Blogger better and the customization options are much better. So, my short-term life on LiveJournal will now find a new beginning here.

Caleb and Jonah have been at a day camp this week at Brentwood Oaks Church of Christ. They have been having a blast and Dina and I have been in amazement at how quiet the house can be with just a 2-year-old and a 6-month-old here. It has been nice to have some time to get a few things done without constantly having to intervene in the struggles of 2 boys that define the words "sibling rivalry".

I had a good breakfast with Gerald this morning and am even more sure about some decisions that we have made for our family in regards to our relationship with our church, Round Rock Chapel. Specifically with regards to the youth and college kids. We want to minister to them in more of an organic fashion. We have lived life with them for the past couple of years and we want to find more ways to disciple them and be a community of faith that has an impact on the community that we live in. Instead of "framing" our events to fit what we think things should look like, we mainly just want to participate in a life lived to glorify Jesus, while surrounding ourselves with the people that are on the journey with us. We want more of a caravan mindset than a commissary. I don't want to provide a "place" that the college kids can come to be fed, but to provide a spiritual journey where we travel together and experience life together. What does that look like? I don't know yet, but we're learning and searching.

As for the job front, 5 days after I signed a contract to leave my own consulting business and become a consultant for another Mac consulting company, I received a notice that they were closing their Texas markets. So, that was a wash. The good news is that I can continue with my business, Macs-Sense, and I might get to inherit the company's client list for Austin. I am also hoping to partner in some form with the two other consultants who were laid off in the DFW area. Time will tell, but I really sense and smell that God has his hands in this pot in some way that we don't understand yet. So, I am again self-employed and needing to find some more customers to grow my business again. Continuing to trust in God to provide for my family's needs...

Well, I guess I'm gonna let this be my first transition post to Blogger from Live Journal and I'll post some more later...