Time for an Update

Well, more time has gone by and no updates from me. Well, here we go.

On the job front, things aren't looking too great. From the best we can tell, the 2 job opportunities at Dell have gone by the wayside suddenly. Not really sure what happened there, as it really felt like we were just waiting on an offer from them. I know they had to recently lay off some employees, so maybe that has shaken up all hiring. Anyway, they told me that there probably won't be any more opportunities there until January, at the earliest. The Chicago Youth For Christ interview was cool. I really enjoyed the trip and meeting the kids. The downside, is that they just can't offer us enough money for our family. That sounds like I'm being greedy, but I am talking about basics. Their total package would provide enough for us to have the most minimal housing, food, and gas for the car. There was no further room for needed things like utilities, medical, savings, emergency, etc. So, I had to call them yesterday and turn down the job. It is really frustrating to be unemployed and to have to turn down a job that is on your plate. Especially when I really think I would have enjoyed the job itself so much. So, for the time being, I'm still subbing, working my business, and looking for where God is taking us now.

On the church front, we've been visiting other churches for the last 5 or 6 weeks. We haven't really found any that we really connect with. It is depressing to feel like you don't have anything in common, theology-wise and praxis-wise, with most churches. None of the places we've gone have really been worth talking about. They are all pretty cookie-cutter in their praxis. They present a "Sunday-Morning-Performance" to tickle the fancies of a bunch of comfortable people who don't want to be too bothered. I'm looking for a small group of people that want to live life differently. A "band of brothers" that wants to meet together regularly and challenge one another to live a life as Christ lived. It's too easy to get comfortable in my easy chair at home. The last thing I need is an easy chair at a once-a-week production that will lull me even more to sleep. How does singing a bunch of pop songs about God and filling in a bunch of blanks on a sermon outline help me to look more like Jesus to the world around me? I need someone that will be there during my week. Some people that will challenge the ideas that I hold so firmly. People that will call me out of my easy chair and will walk with me among the poor and forsaken of the world. People that will get dirty alongside me, as we reach out and serve those whom Jesus would have walked with. This is more than a once-a-week club. I want a small community that lives life together. Life Together. That in itself would make a cool church name. I guess I'd have to give somewhat of a nod to Bonhoeffer for that one, though.

All I know is that life is hard. Living that life as a follower and disciple of Jesus is even harder. I want to connect with a group of people that will live that adventurous journey together. To laugh together, to cry together, to eat together. I realize that, in our culture, we need our own private family time, but this once-a-week church model is much less community time than I need. And, to make it worse, every church I've gone to doesn't seem to want or demand much more than that.

Sometimes I wish I could start my own church/community. Life Together. But, I feel very overwhelmed by the task and definitely not worthy of that kind of leadership. I just wonder if I'll ever be satisfied sitting in the pews of a "regular" church anymore.

Wow, that was a rant. Sorry. Hopefully things will improve on both the job and the church fronts soon. It's hard to get up every day when so much of your life seems to be turned upside down.