Ash Wednesday

This morning, I arose early and went to St. William Catholic Parish to attend an Ash Wednesday service at 6:30am. It was nice to get up before sunrise and focus my thoughts upon the upcoming Lenten season. Spending some time refocusing and redirecting my thoughts toward God is always an amazing thing. "Remember, man, that you are dust, and unto dust you shall return."

A season of penitence and repentance. Of return and forgiveness. Of restoration and redemption. This season is the gospel story in a nutshell. It is a time to stop doing whatever it is you are doing in this busy world and return to God. No matter where you are or where you've been, God longs to receive you and pour out his generous love upon you.

I was floored again this morning, standing in the nave of the large sanctuary, at how generous God is towards me. Many times I get stuck in my own "eye for an eye" thought process and feel deep inside like I have drawn too far from the relationship with my Lord. At those times, I realized this morning, I feel like the chasm is too great and that God would not receive me back into his loving fellowship without some work on my part. That I must somehow "work" my way back into his grace. That last sentence is actually kind of funny. The very definition of grace is that it is by nature, free. To fall into thinking that I must somehow earn it or work for it is ludicrous, at best.

Well, there I was, all ludicrous and humbled. I began praying and meditating on God's love and mercy. I was reminded of the story of the prodigal son and had a vision of Rembrandt's painting of that story. Although I haven't "wandered off" into wild living, my heart has wandered and not been close to God. All it takes is a spirit of repentance and a "turning toward" my Lord and He restores me gently.

It feels good to walk again in the light of relationship with God. I've been here many times before, but this time feels a little different. It feels somehow more real. More authentic. I am free to be who I am and God loves me for that. I don't feel the need to impress or somehow fool God into thinking that I'm a good little boy. I have failings and I will wander again. I'm sure that I will be posting another experience like this in the near future, as I return to Him again. However, that is the beauty of His grace. He loves me and always welcomes me.