Day 4

I enjoyed a one-day fast during this last week for Ash Wednesday. However, I am contemplating engaging in a longer, perhaps 7-day, fast during this next week. I'm a wimp about it though and my flesh is crying out in fear about it. My spirit is willing, but my flesh is weak. I need another day to pray about it before I make the decision.

So, today I have been grappling in my mind and spirit with the "vow of poverty". I struggle with the question of whether my life can truly be changed into Christ's likeness if I am content to acquire material things and satisfy the obsessions of my flesh. The American Dream. Is it truly our right, as Christians (or "little Christs") to pursue life liberty and the pursuit of happiness? That doesn't ring true with the life that God lived in the form of Jesus on our planet. As a matter of fact, Jesus voluntarily gave up those rights in order to serve others.

Maybe my life should be more directed to pursuing the life, liberty, and happiness of those around me, instead of my own. Maybe the pursuit of material gain (which is implied in our culture today as another inalienable right) serves only to drag me down and distract me from my true purpose? What is truly "mine" anyway? It all belongs to God. I spend an inordinate amount of time to worldly gain and I spend little to no time in pursuit of pouring out my life and possessions for the good of others. What makes me more of a "little Christ" than any other red-blooded American in the pursuit of a new big-screen TV and a Mercedes?

How does this pursuit of downward moving, rather than upward climbing, look with a family of 6? I don't know. But, I think it looks somewhat different than what I am doing now. I am seeking for God to reveal to me small ways of pouring out of my life to others, yet still be the steward (financially and provisionally) for my family that God desires me to be. Maybe the next few weeks will yield some new treasures of the heart that I can wrestle with and walk away with to change some of my self-centeredness.

I told Dina today that I wanted to dream up ways that our family can begin to make an impact of some sort in our community. I would love to work at a homeless shelter, soup kitchen, or even Habitat for Humanity as a family. However, with 2 younguns under the age of 3, those all seem to be difficult prospects. Somehow I pray that the Lord will reveal to me ways around me that I can pursue the downward moving way and lead my family in loving and serving of the people that live in the world all around me that need a taste of God's love lived out in the life of a "little Christ".