Mirages

Well, I'm sitting here listening to the "Return of the King" soundtrack that I got for my birthday. Yes, today was my birthday. 36 years of treading the dust of this Earth now. I have to say, due to circumstances of life right now, this has been one of my lowest birthdays ever.

I quit getting excited about my birthday several years back, but this year, I just didn't even want to acknowledge it. I think I just feel a lot of worry and pressure about our job situation. I'm just having some real difficulties making my business work and have had some real strong thoughts about scrapping it altogether. I really feel like I have heard God call me back to Youth Ministry, but all the doors have closed so far. Every secular job I have tried to go after have closed as well. It is just getting very hard to get out of bed each day, only to face more and more rejection. I am finding myself at a point of seeking God and not hearing from Him. It is so hard to walk through the desert and not know where any help may come. It feels lonely and dry.

I start my Hebrew class tomorrow, though. And tomorrow is Caleb's birthday, so that will be fun. I'm just praying that God will reveal Himself to me soon, as I feel stretched and tired.